he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
