Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
