In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
