Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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