angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
