if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
