I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
