no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
well you can't waste a boner
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
