I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
