I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
