Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
