I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize