do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
