yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
