Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
