Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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