i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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