And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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