no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
