You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
