Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
