NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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