Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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