Swine flu is the new snow day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
