if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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