Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
