I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
