I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
