Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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