For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
