my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
