I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
