I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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