Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
