Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
