he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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