I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
