I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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