The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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