Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
