I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
