I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize