When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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