the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just found puke in my bra..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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