C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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