The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
