Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My balls are so social today.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
