if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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