Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
