he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
did i just pee glitter
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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