addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
