Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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