C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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