It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
