He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
