Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
