He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
