Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
