Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
