I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize