AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
