You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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