he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
