But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
