Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
