I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
