I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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