I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
