You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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