i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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