I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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