Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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