If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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