also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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