$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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